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Monday, June 14, 2004
AN OLD NEW DAY-- NOT A FRESH START FOR THE FIRST DAY OF CLASSES
here's the deal.
i have been working for school the whole summer.
working tirelessly for the Orientation Seminar of the incoming Freshmen.
and today is the actual first day of classes.
but it seems like my energies are downright low... i've been exhausted even before june 1 came.
and today is a brand 'old' day-----another start for a new school year.
the sad part about it is...this is my last school year in Ateneo.
i had enough first days' of classes....an old new day so to speak.
Posted at Monday, June 14, 2004 by juss
Thursday, April 22, 2004
EULOGY FOR MATTHI
It's really hard to reminisce the days when i used to spend time with MATTHI (muh-thee), the dog that was given to me as a gift from a highschool classmate during our junior year. She was then a small puppy, a black half-Labrador who was like an orphan looking for a family to adopt her. She won my sympathy the moment my classmate handed her to me. She was inside Zesto box poked with holes to make breathing a little possible for her.
I named her Matthi to mark the day when she came to my life: MArch + THIrteen. She used to sleep in my room and sometimes sleep with me on my bed, just beside my toes. Every morning, she'd lick my face to wake me up. Later on, my room developed the Matthi-stinky smell because she would always hang out there when i go to school. She'd make it her playground/bathroom in one.
My dad became very agile and furious about it because the stench sometimes would reach their bedroom. It did not actually bother me living with Matthi's mess. She was a sister. A very loyal friend. But i had to follow my father because i understood the hygienic consequences of letting her stay in my room.
Her first nights outside the house were hell to me. I knew how it felt to be outside that dark and cold garage. I used to stay there whenever I hide from my parents after they scold me for being MALDITA to my younger cousins. I could hear her sobs in the middle of the night --begging for me to open the door and let her stay inside my room. During those times, i would really beg my father to let her in. But he insisted that SHE'S ONLY A DOG and THAT"S WHAT SHE DESERVES. It really hurt me because she has become more than a dog to me.
Sometimes she would scratch and scrape our wooden front door--trying to twist the knob--hoping that it would open ajar. If she could only hear me now, i would like her to know how sorry i was for not fighting for her.
She died months after i left for college. All of these memories haunt me. Her obedience, playfulness and loyalty were far more than any of my college-friends' combined. I could remember those moments when she used to welcome me in our gate. With all the excitement her own tail could wag her around, she'd ran around me and jump on me as if she didn't see me for a decade. She'd hug and play with my legs as i struggle to open the front door of our house. And as she patiently waits for me to open my pasalubong for her, she'd lick my shoe making that smooth 'palambing' effect.
Matthi was a very special dog. More special than any pet i had. Until these very days, years had passed since her death, i could still feel her thick silky jet black fur wringle on palms and in between my fingers. I could still smell her stench and the sudden sweetness and silkyness of her fur after she has been bathed.
When she gave birth to her five pups, i thought it was the zenith of her life. Unfortunately, it was not. We had to give them away because my parents' budget cannot shoulder the maintenance cost of taking care of her puppies. Like what happened to her when she was still a young dog, we gave the puppies away to my relatives while she was playing with the other dogs outside the house.
When she went home, she only found a puppy left in the garage. I knew how any mother would feel for that. I couldn't blame my father for sending the pups away. It was for their own good. If only Matthi could understand the reality...
It was the time when she turned herself into a bitch and fucked around with the dogs in our neighborhood. She eventually got rabies for loitering around and fighting with stray dogs too much. She died eventually. I just found out about all of these when I went back to see if the news was true.
When i came to our house, i saw her dead body lying helpless on our front lawn. I just cried in despair... i don't know how to express the feeling -- the hatred and guilt and shame of losing a friend.
Our family had pets way before she came to our lives. But she was the most special among them all. Wherever you are Matthi, remember that I Love You...
You touched my life in the most special way... Thank you so much.
Posted at Thursday, April 22, 2004 by juss
Saturday, April 03, 2004
i am all packed.
tomorrow, i should be out of the house by 2am.
the bus will leave the terminal at 3am flat.
and a whole week of bloody swim Camp (training) will give me that 10lbs off the weighing scale.
how i wish it would come true....haaay.
FHM, here i come.
hahaha.
Posted at Saturday, April 03, 2004 by juss
Wednesday, March 03, 2004
Posted at Wednesday, March 03, 2004 by juss
Friday, February 20, 2004
LUNG-TIED
i couldn't breathe.
i couldn't think.
there's something in my chest.
it's constricting the air in my lungs.
there's something in my heart.
i do not know how to take it out.
i couldn't breathe.
i couldn't inhale anything...
i couldn't breathe.
Posted at Friday, February 20, 2004 by juss
Wednesday, February 11, 2004
I HAVE JUST STARTED MY CAMPAIGN TO BECOME AN FHM GIRL!no. i am not kidding. i would really want to model for fhm. don't ask why. just ride with my weird idea. i may not have the body.... but i am starting to. i have cut all the food that i am eating. i've also started to exercise regularly.... this morning, and last monday morning, i jogged around the school. i wasn't able to flex my muscles ever since the Grade School Swimming Pool went under renovation. My training in the Ateneo swimming team went idle since then. It's been four months since i had a taste of firm and toned body.....haaay... i am pretty sure i'll get that girl-fhm body when i start to train again... darn. i will become an fhm girl.... i am serious. okay? so don't laugh. ©zeph
Posted at Wednesday, February 11, 2004 by juss
Thursday, February 05, 2004
.jpg "5") 
HORIZONS and LIGHTS... WITH CAFFEINE...
<<<AFTER COFFEE
 
SITTING ON A BENCH AT KOSTKA ME AT THE COLLEGE CAFETERIA....
WITH ALL THE OIL AND DIRT OF THE DAY.... I STILL ROCK THE WORLD! =)
Posted at Thursday, February 05, 2004 by juss
ALCITRAN
i really wanted to cry....just burst out all emotions i feel inside...
i really wanted to exhale the dark breath,
unveil this feeling of colossal pain....
i hate myself...
i hate...
myself.
purge my soul....
©zeph.
Posted at Thursday, February 05, 2004 by juss
Thursday, January 22, 2004
WHEN EVERYTHING LEFT IN YOUR HEAD IS A SWEET NOTHING
by JUSS the silentkiller
Have you ever experienced an hour of brainfreeze?
You have your exam sheet right on top of your desk. A black pen furiously squeezed by your right hand with a hopeful stupid thought that the ANOVA table will pop out any magical moment of fantasizing about the summation of X's and Least-Squares Estimates.... Your seatmate lightly making scratching sounds of pen wriggling against his answer sheet, as though making it really loud for you to notice that he's answering the question you are drooling about.
Doesn't it suck...?! Really. Regurgitatingly annoying.
Two long weeks of preparing for this big day, the most dreaded Econometrics exam, yet on that very final moment, nothing came out of my head. NADA. I could still remember that hour of guessing for the right formula in our supposed "CHEAT CARD". It didn't help though.
We were allowed to use a CHEAT CARD. Last week, our prof emailed us that we can put anything (formulas, derivations, etc.) everything in a 5-by-8 index card. I did so imagine that the exam would really be easy having a handy cheat card with me. But it only helped my hands to reduce the amount of sweat... nothing in the cheat card was of any utility. And I really felt so bad for spending precious hours trying to write every formula within that limited space...for nothing.
I know I studied. But probably i didn't study enough...
That's another lesson to learn...
New Rule: Study first before anything else. (Magna Carta of Juss)
"It's like a paranoid lookin over my back,
it's like a whilwind inside my head,
can't stop what i'm hearin within..."
--Linkin Park
Posted at Thursday, January 22, 2004 by juss
Sunday, January 18, 2004
PARTYING INSTEAD OF STUDYING
"I'm on a high, on a high...there's nothin more to it.
You're the see and the sky and the blue that runs through it..."
---Duncan Sheik
I cant believe I am slacking on my studies already. Last friday, I was a host of a party by the Ateneo Student Leaders Assembly (ASLA). I did get a whole lotta fun. It was something worth going to. And then last night, I went to a Movie Premiere for my org.
Imagine me wearing a red and black floral kimono shouting on top of my lungs infront of cinema-goers while trying to encourage them to watch Tom Cruise's "THE LAST SAMURAI"... whooooaaaa.... THAT's WHAT I CALL: SELF-HARRASSMENT!!! hahahah............ <but, i knew i looked good with the kimono on me!>
Now i can remember my must-be-heard tag-line: "ADVANCED SCREENING! THE LAST SAMURAI! =) ONLY SHOWN TONIGHT HERE AT SM CINEMA 10! TICKETS SOLD @ 180PESOS, but IF YOU BUY 4, YOU GET ANOTHER TICKET FOR FREE!!!! THE SHOW WILL START IN 30minutes, SO BUY YOUR TICKETS NOW!!!" **with all the smiles my face could give**
hell, i didn't get anything from it though. except for the fun and the challenge of promoting to a mob of passersby.... but i was really glad that most of them took a bite on my sales-pitch! and i am more than happy for doing it so... for my org.......AEA!
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Here are some FUNNY bloopers i had:
Guy1: Sam-uu-raaaiiii! ....Moshe moshe!
Guy2: Miss, are you really Japanese?---> huh?!
after 15 minutes... he came back...
Guy2: Are you part of the movie? What's your role? ---->i muttered under my breath: excuse me sir, do i really look like a movie star?! >whoahah!!! how i wish!!!___i should've told him i'm tom cruise's leading lady...and nicole kidman was really nice she didn't get mad at me for tearing off her husband's clothers! whowhahaha!
last 5 minutes before the show...
Guy3: If we buy 4 tickets, we get another ticket for free, right? <i answered, "yeah" =) > Would we be able to see you too? What's your name? --->***sigh*** uh? not another frRreeeakkkk.....is he going to stalk on me or what?!.... the guy really look's cute. but his brain is way below the soles of his feet.... pathetic. haha.
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all of these in expense of my exam in ECONOMETRICS on tuesday......phew!
I guess it's really the challenge that fuels me to do something new....
"Here we are, it's not a perfect world..."
--Ken Zhu
Posted at Sunday, January 18, 2004 by juss
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